78. The Hidden Cause of Burnout for High-Achieving Women
Burnout doesn’t always come from doing too much. If you’ve been handling your workload, showing up, and delivering results but still feel exhausted, listen in.
There is a hidden cause of burnout that most high-achieving women overlook. It’s not about how much you’re doing, it’s about what’s happening internally while you’re doing it.
In this episode, you’ll learn how to catch the moment that’s actually driving burnout, the belief patterns that keep you stuck in it, and how to shift out of it in real time. Plus, I share a practical way to start rewiring your thinking so you can show up with more clarity, stay connected to your voice, and lead without constantly defaulting to safety over self-trust.
Interested in working with me? Book a free 1:1 consultation here!
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
Why burnout isn’t caused by workload, but by what’s happening in your mind.
How second-guessing and self-editing create ongoing mental exhaustion.
The hidden moment where burnout actually begins.
A simple question to help you catch and shift your thinking in real time.
How to reconnect with your voice and feel more activated at work.
The identity shift required to advance without burning out.
Listen to the Full Episode:
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Episodes Related to burnout for high-achieving women:
73. How High-Achieving Women Leaders Move From Survival Mode to Command Energy
77. How to Say What You Mean (Without Shrinking in the Room)
Full Episode Transcript:
If you've been feeling more tired than usual lately, even when you're doing all the right things, I want you to really listen to this. Because what if your burnout isn't coming from how much you're doing? What if it's coming from what's happening in your mind while you're doing it? The second guessing, the overthinking, the constant pressure to get it right. That part doesn't show up on your calendar. But it's running in the background of everything. And it's exhausting.
So if you've ever thought, "I shouldn't feel this tired, I'm handling everything," this episode is going to show you what's actually going on. Because you don't have a capacity problem. You don't even have a confidence problem. You're actually very good at believing things. The issue is, you're believing the wrong ones. And once you see that, everything starts to shift.
Welcome to The Balanced Leader, hosted by Yann Dang, a Leadership and Life Coach with over 20 years of corporate experience. Drawing from her journey as a former global finance leader and second-generation immigrant, Yann understands the unique challenges women face in male-dominated workplaces.
Each episode offers insights on balancing masculine and feminine energies, mastering soft skills, and building emotional intelligence. Join us to transform frustration into empowerment and unlock your authentic leadership potential.
All right, podcast listeners, welcome to today's podcast. I am so jazzed that you are all here today. I have seen so much interest in the topic of high performing women and burnout. Particularly with the latest McKinsey report just showing how many women are leaving these senior level positions. So, today's episode is about burnout, but not typically about the time you spend or your productivity. It is about something else, something that is always running in the background for you. And we're going to dive into it right now.
You know what to say. That is not the issue. The issue is the moment right before you say it. You're in a meeting, you have the thought, it's clear, it's direct. And then, there's a split second. Wait. Say it better. What if that doesn't land right? This is your mind. This is you adjusting. This is you softening. This is you adding just a few extra words. And suddenly, you're not saying what you actually think anymore. You're saying a version of it that feels safer.
Speaking up isn't the problem here. It's the fear around speaking up. And some of that fear is valid. You're reading the room. You understand the dynamics. But that awareness turns into overcaution. Instead of asking, "How do I say this well?" you ask, "Can I even say this at all?" And that question shuts everything down. The answer is yes. You say your version of it with discernment and with awareness. But you say it.
This is where I see so many women get caught up. I actually have so many clients that come to me and say, "I know what to say. But I don't say it." Or they literally say, "Am I allowed to say it?" They'll actually ask me if they're allowed to say it because there is fear. And what we do in our sessions is to unpack that fear and unpack the beliefs behind the fear. Right? This is really important because this is what causes burnout. The second guessing, the questioning, the uncertainty, and quite frankly, the fear that spirals us from even getting more data or understanding what is happening in the room.
And so, I want to share this with you because it is a real problem. And it's a problem that nobody is really talking about directly head on, right? I think a lot of people are talking about the system and not being built for women and talking about gender dynamics. And all of those things are valid, but this is also very, very valid and is such an important point because the more I coach women, the more I get into their brain, the more I connect with myself in the corporate roles that I was in and how I would think and see things differently because of the coaching I had, this is the difference.
And this is so important because if we are focused on these macro things that are systematic, that are around us that we can't actually shift in a short period of time, then we end up spinning or we end up telling ourselves a story that we are just stuck here. But here is the truth. And if you're listening to my podcast, and if you've listened to it in the past, I believe in self-empowered leadership. And self-empowered leadership starts with you. There is so much we can do with ourselves in our micro-environment, within our heads that will have us showing up more and more powerfully in whatever system we're playing in.
And this is so important to me and so much of it is part of my mission to support women to advance without burning out. Because so many women right now are leaving senior level positions and roles at the highest rate we've ever seen. According to McKinsey and Company and the Leanin.org report, one in four women have considered leaving and nearly half report feeling burnt out. This is problematic. This is causing people to wonder if it is something that they're even capable of. And this isn't about capability actually. Women have been able to get to the very top.
Now, staying at the top and thriving and being connected to yourself is not a capability issue. It's about disconnection, right? A lot of women at this level sometimes find themselves disconnected from their actual voice, from their instincts, from themselves. And this is what I want you to hear and understand, that you can notice yourself hesitating, right? And it might have not been this way when you were in different rooms or when you felt safer. And when I talk about safety, oftentimes when we're reaching the next level of leadership, we feel more emotional intensity coming from our senior leaders, from our CEO, from our boss, from our direct reports even because the challenges and the questions at hand bring upon more emotional tension.
And if you are not used to that emotional tension, you may think that you have to shrink yourself, collapse to it, react in ways that are more like how you would have reacted in your family system with your father yelling at you, for instance, right? Instead of learning to react in a way that is more connected to yourself, is more clear and closer to how you would react if you felt safety in your body, right? Which is a big thing that I work with women on, how to create safety in their body.
And so this is why it's so important because women at this level, if you are a high achieving woman, if you are a senior leader, if you are noticing yourself consistently shutting yourself down, holding yourself back, then this is what I want you to work on, right? Because if you could understand what the cause of that is and redirect it, this is powerful. This is you reconnecting to your power, right? Oftentimes we get into these bigger rooms and we feel fear and that fear has us disconnect from our power. And we are full of assumptions and we are full of thoughts that actually don't have us wanting to step into discomfort, right? It's a natural thing. Your brain is going to naturally want you to stay comfortable and stay safe, right?
And that safety and comfort, it may help in the moment and may help you feel like you are escaping some sort of pain, but over time, that actually becomes the problem. Over time, that becomes disconnection to yourself. It becomes you not being as activated and excited about showing up for work because you feel like you are a shell version of yourself. You are more catering and adapting to the people and the systems around you than you are making an impact, right? When that imbalance happens, that is oftentimes where burnout shows up. It's a disconnection. It's making choices and not holding boundaries, and it feels like life is happening to you versus you are there impacting your life, making powerful differences, stepping into the game, and starting to deal with the emotional intensity and the tension in the room, right?
Starting to embrace conflict and starting with your belief, starting to see what you are believing in the moment. Because this is where rewire happens, right? You all know that I talk a lot about neuroscience in my coaching containers. And it is so important because if we are not on to ourselves and we are not understanding how we are showing up for ourselves in the spaces, we oftentimes can get lost in our adapting to the room and we can get lost in not even understanding what we're believing in this moment, right?
And so, part of why I coach women on a weekly basis is to catch this, right? Because over time, if you're not on to yourself, if you're not on to where you keep holding yourself back, where you keep not saying the thing, this over time kind of feels like the way you're supposed to be acting, but it actually causes us to not be fully alive, not be fully activated, and not be fully invested in the here and now of what's happening, right? We're so scared of what could potentially happen that we're not even living in the present moment, actually creating what is happening, right?
So I want you to really think about this because if you are listening to this podcast and you're like, "Wow, this is what's happening to me. I am dismissing myself. I am second guessing myself. I am in rooms where I feel like I've lost my power," then I want you to listen to this again and I want you to really take this seriously. Because it starts with you. This is where burnout where you can take care of yourself in the burnout and where you can flip the script for yourself.
And if you have a close friend that's going through this, that's feeling burnt out, that's feeling incredibly stuck, share this episode with them, right? This is going to support you to catch yourself and to help yourself in the here and now. Let's talk about the rewiring. This is exactly what I coach so many women on, right? When you catch yourself hesitating, when you're pausing, when you're holding back, this is an opportunity to go to school on yourself, to be curious about yourself, to dive in deeper with yourself and ask yourself this powerful question: What am I believing right now?
Right? I think a lot of women don't spend the time to catch themselves and their beliefs and they power through things, right? We power through our emotions, we get stuff done, we feel good about the dopamine hit, we don't have to think about our emotions, we handle the stuff in front of us, but we're not dealing with the emotional tension, the conflict, the thing that is actually causing us and draining us of our energy and our vitality and our livelihood, right?
So if you can stop yourself when you notice yourself holding yourself back, and I'm not telling you to jump in and just do it right away. I'm talking to you about slowing down and pausing and asking yourself, "What am I believing right now?" And the more you can pause and have this conversation with yourself, the better data you're going to get to understanding what is it that you are believing right now? What is causing you to slow down, to shut down, right? So my client that I was talking to about what she can do, right? Where her brain often goes when her boss is putting a lot of attention on her, putting a lot of pressure on her, right? Where she typically goes is head down, get the job done, I'll figure this out, and then on to the next, right?
And when we paused together and I say, "Actually, you need to speak up, you need to have this conversation because if you continue this way, you are probably going to get that bigger role. But when you get there, you're not going to be able to recognize yourself. You're going to wonder what happened to you, your motivation, your excitement, your activation, right?" But what's happening is that what's holding her back is this belief that she's going to get in trouble or she's going to be punished or that she is going to be met with a lot of objections, right? A lot of pushback, which is true. You might be met with all of this stuff, right? You might be met with objections and upset and things like that. But if we don't allow our brain to just notice what we're believing and to allow us to redirect it, then we're staying with this belief.
Even though we're not actively conscious of it, we're staying with it and that belief will become the self-fulfilling prophecy that actually has you get the job but not feel like you actually want the job. I hear it from so many women. Okay, I've made it to this point in my career and now I'm asking myself, "Do I actually want to go further?" Because the tradeoffs are higher. And because you're more aware and you're more noticing how not excited you are, and you're more noticing how not motivated you are. And so it is actually a fight for yourself in the here and now to listen to what you're believing and to listen to what you are moving yourself towards, right?
If you can pause and actually put some consciousness around that, you can see that there are more resourceful ways to think. There are more possibilities, right? Because if your thought is, "I'm going to be wrong, I'm going to get in trouble, I'm going to be punished for this," then likely, you are just going to be head down getting the job done. But this is part of the problem. You choose safety instead of choosing to step into discomfort to actually be heard, to actually make an impact, to actually feel like you're alive, activated, and in it, right?
And so over time, if you keep choosing safety, you're going to feel burnout. You're going to feel like you have sold yourself, you have abandoned yourself, and you might have a lot of good reasons why, but it also causes you to not actually want the life you're creating for yourself. And so if you can pause and ask yourself, what am I believing right now about not being able to navigate this, about not being able to handle this, right? And you support yourself, and this is where I strategically coach women. What if this belief wasn't true? What if you believed something else? What if you believed I can handle this? This emotional tension makes sense at this level, right?
What if you believed I can still speak up and I can still share what's going on while creating a safe environment for myself, while creating rapport for myself, while thinking about how to say it in a way that supports me and lands with the other person, not pleases the other person, but lands with the other person.
Let me give you an example of this, right? Because oftentimes when I'm coaching my clients, they're like, even if they don't get their way, but they spoke up, they felt heard, and they feel safe in a room speaking up because they've created that safety for them by going first and going often and learning how to take up space, right? They will still feel like it was a good job, right? So actually the outcome doesn't always matter that much. What really matters is how you are in that space with those people because that will dictate how much more you're willing to stay in this space, right?
When you feel heard, when you feel like people understand where you're coming from, and maybe you don't get your way, but you have those other things, you're going to feel more energized and more activated, right? And you're going to start understanding more about the people around you because you're having a relationship and a back and forth with them where you are speaking up. Right? It's just like a relationship. If you're in a relationship with your partner and you are walking on eggshells all the time and you are not being yourself, and you are not saying what matters to you or what bothers you, and all of a sudden you're like, "Why am I in this relationship with this person? I don't even feel good in this relationship. I don't even know if this person actually likes me because I'm not even telling the truth about things and they don't even know me, right?"
So the offer here and the invitation to shift out of burnout is to take up more space, to share how you are feeling, what you are doing, and what questions might you have for them, right? But it starts with you believing that you are valuable, end of story, that your words matter, that you taking up space creates safety for yourself, and that you being activated in your life and in your work makes a material difference, right? Particularly to yourself, but everyone around you.
I'm going to share a story about a new boss that I had and a time of incredible change for my company. And I remember talking to her about filling a role. And we had a lot of differences about who should fill the role. And what I realized looking back is that I didn't have all the data. I actually didn't have all the data, but I was still proud of myself for how I showed up. I remember sharing with her that even though she really wanted me to hire this person, I really liked this person. I thought she was incredible. I thought she was smart. I thought she could really do a great job
But for what the job required, for the organization and the maturity level of the organization, I didn't think that this person had all the skills necessary. And that's what I shared with my boss at the time. I said, "Hey, I get you really want me to hire this person, and I'm going to do it because this is what you're asking of me, but just so you know, I don't agree with it given the level of maturity of this organization." And she literally paused and she said, "I hear you." And that was it. Like that was it. She heard me, you know? And I was like, "Great. As long as you can hear me, right?"
And what I realized afterwards was that she knew something I didn't know. So what she knew was that the company that I was filling this role for was actually going to merge with another sister company and they wouldn't need the level of senior leadership that I was really advocating for because it would fold underneath a bigger structure. And so even with the maturity of the organization, they're going to have a different finance leader at the helm, right? She was just going to be a support. And so when I look back, I'm like, actually, she probably made the best call for her at that time.
And for me, I was like, "Well, if I had known that information, somehow, of course, I wasn't privy to that information, would I have felt better, right? And I don't know if it's better or would I have held my tongue." And part of me is like, "No, I'm glad that I spoke up even though she didn't agree with me. I was glad that I made space for myself. I felt safe that I was impacting the organization the best way I could and that I was activated, right? And that I was engaged and I cared enough about the company to disagree with my boss basically."
And so I can look back at that situation and say, I didn't have all the right data because I wasn't supposed to have the right data, right? There was no right or wrong answer, but for me to create the relationship that I wanted, to make the impact that I wanted, it was to speak up. That was the best outcome for me, right? So that I could speak up and I could feel still powerful in this job where I'm not walking on eggshells with my leader, right? And I knew that this would probably, it wasn't something that she wanted to hear, but it was important for me to say it, right? And to still say it respectfully.
So I am not telling you to not say things with rapport and trust, but I am saying to say something, to speak up, to believe that your words matter. Because if you don't believe that your words matter and you believe you're just doing the job and getting it done and you are getting promoted for these things and you're like, it's great, you're also creating a self-fulfilling prophecy for yourself that my leadership can only accelerate if I hold back, if I'm not truly myself. And at some point in your career, that is going to catch up with you. And I believe this is what's happening to so many senior level women who have gotten to the top and decided it's just not worth it.
I don't like it. I don't like walking on eggshells. I don't like the pressure and not being able to use the pressure in a way that self empowers me and my team. And that this moment, this very moment of you noticing your way of you're holding back or hesitating to really ask yourself, what am I believing right now? Because if your belief was, I can handle this, I can show up for these tough moments, I can figure this out, then you will take yourself somewhere else versus hiding and being safe.
All right. That is today's episode and it is such a big one and I want to tell you that if you are in this space and you want support and you want coaching for it, this is the number one thing that is causing women to burn out. So get the support. Come coach with me. Come coach with someone else. Listen to these podcasts and support yourself and get supported because you being open and being honest and being able to use your words to impact change is everything. You don't need to believe more, right? You need to believe differently. You need to believe differently about yourself. And that starts the moment you stop letting doubt lead. And you start taking the reigns of yourself, your life, and your career.
All right. I hope you enjoy this episode. Let me know how it lands with you. If you have more questions, please feel free to DM me directly on LinkedIn. I'd love to connect with you. And of course, join the newsletter. I'd love to have you as part of our newsletter community where I share these empowering tips every single week. All right, have a beautiful rest of your day. Bye.
Thank you for being a part of The Balanced Leader community. We hope you found today's episode inspiring and actionable. For more resources and to connect with Yann, visit us at aspire-coaching.co. Until next time, keep leading with confidence and purpose.
So if you've ever thought, "I shouldn't feel this tired, I'm handling everything," this episode is going to show you what's actually going on. Because you don't have a capacity problem. You don't even have a confidence problem. You're actually very good at believing things. The issue is, you're believing the wrong ones. And once you see that, everything starts to shift.
Welcome to The Balanced Leader, hosted by Yann Dang, a Leadership and Life Coach with over 20 years of corporate experience. Drawing from her journey as a former global finance leader and second-generation immigrant, Yann understands the unique challenges women face in male-dominated workplaces.
Each episode offers insights on balancing masculine and feminine energies, mastering soft skills, and building emotional intelligence. Join us to transform frustration into empowerment and unlock your authentic leadership potential.
All right, podcast listeners, welcome to today's podcast. I am so jazzed that you are all here today. I have seen so much interest in the topic of high performing women and burnout. Particularly with the latest McKinsey report just showing how many women are leaving these senior level positions. So, today's episode is about burnout, but not typically about the time you spend or your productivity. It is about something else, something that is always running in the background for you. And we're going to dive into it right now.
You know what to say. That is not the issue. The issue is the moment right before you say it. You're in a meeting, you have the thought, it's clear, it's direct. And then, there's a split second. Wait. Say it better. What if that doesn't land right? This is your mind. This is you adjusting. This is you softening. This is you adding just a few extra words. And suddenly, you're not saying what you actually think anymore. You're saying a version of it that feels safer.
Speaking up isn't the problem here. It's the fear around speaking up. And some of that fear is valid. You're reading the room. You understand the dynamics. But that awareness turns into overcaution. Instead of asking, "How do I say this well?" you ask, "Can I even say this at all?" And that question shuts everything down. The answer is yes. You say your version of it with discernment and with awareness. But you say it.
This is where I see so many women get caught up. I actually have so many clients that come to me and say, "I know what to say. But I don't say it." Or they literally say, "Am I allowed to say it?" They'll actually ask me if they're allowed to say it because there is fear. And what we do in our sessions is to unpack that fear and unpack the beliefs behind the fear. Right? This is really important because this is what causes burnout. The second guessing, the questioning, the uncertainty, and quite frankly, the fear that spirals us from even getting more data or understanding what is happening in the room.
And so, I want to share this with you because it is a real problem. And it's a problem that nobody is really talking about directly head on, right? I think a lot of people are talking about the system and not being built for women and talking about gender dynamics. And all of those things are valid, but this is also very, very valid and is such an important point because the more I coach women, the more I get into their brain, the more I connect with myself in the corporate roles that I was in and how I would think and see things differently because of the coaching I had, this is the difference.
And this is so important because if we are focused on these macro things that are systematic, that are around us that we can't actually shift in a short period of time, then we end up spinning or we end up telling ourselves a story that we are just stuck here. But here is the truth. And if you're listening to my podcast, and if you've listened to it in the past, I believe in self-empowered leadership. And self-empowered leadership starts with you. There is so much we can do with ourselves in our micro-environment, within our heads that will have us showing up more and more powerfully in whatever system we're playing in.
And this is so important to me and so much of it is part of my mission to support women to advance without burning out. Because so many women right now are leaving senior level positions and roles at the highest rate we've ever seen. According to McKinsey and Company and the Leanin.org report, one in four women have considered leaving and nearly half report feeling burnt out. This is problematic. This is causing people to wonder if it is something that they're even capable of. And this isn't about capability actually. Women have been able to get to the very top.
Now, staying at the top and thriving and being connected to yourself is not a capability issue. It's about disconnection, right? A lot of women at this level sometimes find themselves disconnected from their actual voice, from their instincts, from themselves. And this is what I want you to hear and understand, that you can notice yourself hesitating, right? And it might have not been this way when you were in different rooms or when you felt safer. And when I talk about safety, oftentimes when we're reaching the next level of leadership, we feel more emotional intensity coming from our senior leaders, from our CEO, from our boss, from our direct reports even because the challenges and the questions at hand bring upon more emotional tension.
And if you are not used to that emotional tension, you may think that you have to shrink yourself, collapse to it, react in ways that are more like how you would have reacted in your family system with your father yelling at you, for instance, right? Instead of learning to react in a way that is more connected to yourself, is more clear and closer to how you would react if you felt safety in your body, right? Which is a big thing that I work with women on, how to create safety in their body.
And so this is why it's so important because women at this level, if you are a high achieving woman, if you are a senior leader, if you are noticing yourself consistently shutting yourself down, holding yourself back, then this is what I want you to work on, right? Because if you could understand what the cause of that is and redirect it, this is powerful. This is you reconnecting to your power, right? Oftentimes we get into these bigger rooms and we feel fear and that fear has us disconnect from our power. And we are full of assumptions and we are full of thoughts that actually don't have us wanting to step into discomfort, right? It's a natural thing. Your brain is going to naturally want you to stay comfortable and stay safe, right?
And that safety and comfort, it may help in the moment and may help you feel like you are escaping some sort of pain, but over time, that actually becomes the problem. Over time, that becomes disconnection to yourself. It becomes you not being as activated and excited about showing up for work because you feel like you are a shell version of yourself. You are more catering and adapting to the people and the systems around you than you are making an impact, right? When that imbalance happens, that is oftentimes where burnout shows up. It's a disconnection. It's making choices and not holding boundaries, and it feels like life is happening to you versus you are there impacting your life, making powerful differences, stepping into the game, and starting to deal with the emotional intensity and the tension in the room, right?
Starting to embrace conflict and starting with your belief, starting to see what you are believing in the moment. Because this is where rewire happens, right? You all know that I talk a lot about neuroscience in my coaching containers. And it is so important because if we are not on to ourselves and we are not understanding how we are showing up for ourselves in the spaces, we oftentimes can get lost in our adapting to the room and we can get lost in not even understanding what we're believing in this moment, right?
And so, part of why I coach women on a weekly basis is to catch this, right? Because over time, if you're not on to yourself, if you're not on to where you keep holding yourself back, where you keep not saying the thing, this over time kind of feels like the way you're supposed to be acting, but it actually causes us to not be fully alive, not be fully activated, and not be fully invested in the here and now of what's happening, right? We're so scared of what could potentially happen that we're not even living in the present moment, actually creating what is happening, right?
So I want you to really think about this because if you are listening to this podcast and you're like, "Wow, this is what's happening to me. I am dismissing myself. I am second guessing myself. I am in rooms where I feel like I've lost my power," then I want you to listen to this again and I want you to really take this seriously. Because it starts with you. This is where burnout where you can take care of yourself in the burnout and where you can flip the script for yourself.
And if you have a close friend that's going through this, that's feeling burnt out, that's feeling incredibly stuck, share this episode with them, right? This is going to support you to catch yourself and to help yourself in the here and now. Let's talk about the rewiring. This is exactly what I coach so many women on, right? When you catch yourself hesitating, when you're pausing, when you're holding back, this is an opportunity to go to school on yourself, to be curious about yourself, to dive in deeper with yourself and ask yourself this powerful question: What am I believing right now?
Right? I think a lot of women don't spend the time to catch themselves and their beliefs and they power through things, right? We power through our emotions, we get stuff done, we feel good about the dopamine hit, we don't have to think about our emotions, we handle the stuff in front of us, but we're not dealing with the emotional tension, the conflict, the thing that is actually causing us and draining us of our energy and our vitality and our livelihood, right?
So if you can stop yourself when you notice yourself holding yourself back, and I'm not telling you to jump in and just do it right away. I'm talking to you about slowing down and pausing and asking yourself, "What am I believing right now?" And the more you can pause and have this conversation with yourself, the better data you're going to get to understanding what is it that you are believing right now? What is causing you to slow down, to shut down, right? So my client that I was talking to about what she can do, right? Where her brain often goes when her boss is putting a lot of attention on her, putting a lot of pressure on her, right? Where she typically goes is head down, get the job done, I'll figure this out, and then on to the next, right?
And when we paused together and I say, "Actually, you need to speak up, you need to have this conversation because if you continue this way, you are probably going to get that bigger role. But when you get there, you're not going to be able to recognize yourself. You're going to wonder what happened to you, your motivation, your excitement, your activation, right?" But what's happening is that what's holding her back is this belief that she's going to get in trouble or she's going to be punished or that she is going to be met with a lot of objections, right? A lot of pushback, which is true. You might be met with all of this stuff, right? You might be met with objections and upset and things like that. But if we don't allow our brain to just notice what we're believing and to allow us to redirect it, then we're staying with this belief.
Even though we're not actively conscious of it, we're staying with it and that belief will become the self-fulfilling prophecy that actually has you get the job but not feel like you actually want the job. I hear it from so many women. Okay, I've made it to this point in my career and now I'm asking myself, "Do I actually want to go further?" Because the tradeoffs are higher. And because you're more aware and you're more noticing how not excited you are, and you're more noticing how not motivated you are. And so it is actually a fight for yourself in the here and now to listen to what you're believing and to listen to what you are moving yourself towards, right?
If you can pause and actually put some consciousness around that, you can see that there are more resourceful ways to think. There are more possibilities, right? Because if your thought is, "I'm going to be wrong, I'm going to get in trouble, I'm going to be punished for this," then likely, you are just going to be head down getting the job done. But this is part of the problem. You choose safety instead of choosing to step into discomfort to actually be heard, to actually make an impact, to actually feel like you're alive, activated, and in it, right?
And so over time, if you keep choosing safety, you're going to feel burnout. You're going to feel like you have sold yourself, you have abandoned yourself, and you might have a lot of good reasons why, but it also causes you to not actually want the life you're creating for yourself. And so if you can pause and ask yourself, what am I believing right now about not being able to navigate this, about not being able to handle this, right? And you support yourself, and this is where I strategically coach women. What if this belief wasn't true? What if you believed something else? What if you believed I can handle this? This emotional tension makes sense at this level, right?
What if you believed I can still speak up and I can still share what's going on while creating a safe environment for myself, while creating rapport for myself, while thinking about how to say it in a way that supports me and lands with the other person, not pleases the other person, but lands with the other person.
Let me give you an example of this, right? Because oftentimes when I'm coaching my clients, they're like, even if they don't get their way, but they spoke up, they felt heard, and they feel safe in a room speaking up because they've created that safety for them by going first and going often and learning how to take up space, right? They will still feel like it was a good job, right? So actually the outcome doesn't always matter that much. What really matters is how you are in that space with those people because that will dictate how much more you're willing to stay in this space, right?
When you feel heard, when you feel like people understand where you're coming from, and maybe you don't get your way, but you have those other things, you're going to feel more energized and more activated, right? And you're going to start understanding more about the people around you because you're having a relationship and a back and forth with them where you are speaking up. Right? It's just like a relationship. If you're in a relationship with your partner and you are walking on eggshells all the time and you are not being yourself, and you are not saying what matters to you or what bothers you, and all of a sudden you're like, "Why am I in this relationship with this person? I don't even feel good in this relationship. I don't even know if this person actually likes me because I'm not even telling the truth about things and they don't even know me, right?"
So the offer here and the invitation to shift out of burnout is to take up more space, to share how you are feeling, what you are doing, and what questions might you have for them, right? But it starts with you believing that you are valuable, end of story, that your words matter, that you taking up space creates safety for yourself, and that you being activated in your life and in your work makes a material difference, right? Particularly to yourself, but everyone around you.
I'm going to share a story about a new boss that I had and a time of incredible change for my company. And I remember talking to her about filling a role. And we had a lot of differences about who should fill the role. And what I realized looking back is that I didn't have all the data. I actually didn't have all the data, but I was still proud of myself for how I showed up. I remember sharing with her that even though she really wanted me to hire this person, I really liked this person. I thought she was incredible. I thought she was smart. I thought she could really do a great job
But for what the job required, for the organization and the maturity level of the organization, I didn't think that this person had all the skills necessary. And that's what I shared with my boss at the time. I said, "Hey, I get you really want me to hire this person, and I'm going to do it because this is what you're asking of me, but just so you know, I don't agree with it given the level of maturity of this organization." And she literally paused and she said, "I hear you." And that was it. Like that was it. She heard me, you know? And I was like, "Great. As long as you can hear me, right?"
And what I realized afterwards was that she knew something I didn't know. So what she knew was that the company that I was filling this role for was actually going to merge with another sister company and they wouldn't need the level of senior leadership that I was really advocating for because it would fold underneath a bigger structure. And so even with the maturity of the organization, they're going to have a different finance leader at the helm, right? She was just going to be a support. And so when I look back, I'm like, actually, she probably made the best call for her at that time.
And for me, I was like, "Well, if I had known that information, somehow, of course, I wasn't privy to that information, would I have felt better, right? And I don't know if it's better or would I have held my tongue." And part of me is like, "No, I'm glad that I spoke up even though she didn't agree with me. I was glad that I made space for myself. I felt safe that I was impacting the organization the best way I could and that I was activated, right? And that I was engaged and I cared enough about the company to disagree with my boss basically."
And so I can look back at that situation and say, I didn't have all the right data because I wasn't supposed to have the right data, right? There was no right or wrong answer, but for me to create the relationship that I wanted, to make the impact that I wanted, it was to speak up. That was the best outcome for me, right? So that I could speak up and I could feel still powerful in this job where I'm not walking on eggshells with my leader, right? And I knew that this would probably, it wasn't something that she wanted to hear, but it was important for me to say it, right? And to still say it respectfully.
So I am not telling you to not say things with rapport and trust, but I am saying to say something, to speak up, to believe that your words matter. Because if you don't believe that your words matter and you believe you're just doing the job and getting it done and you are getting promoted for these things and you're like, it's great, you're also creating a self-fulfilling prophecy for yourself that my leadership can only accelerate if I hold back, if I'm not truly myself. And at some point in your career, that is going to catch up with you. And I believe this is what's happening to so many senior level women who have gotten to the top and decided it's just not worth it.
I don't like it. I don't like walking on eggshells. I don't like the pressure and not being able to use the pressure in a way that self empowers me and my team. And that this moment, this very moment of you noticing your way of you're holding back or hesitating to really ask yourself, what am I believing right now? Because if your belief was, I can handle this, I can show up for these tough moments, I can figure this out, then you will take yourself somewhere else versus hiding and being safe.
All right. That is today's episode and it is such a big one and I want to tell you that if you are in this space and you want support and you want coaching for it, this is the number one thing that is causing women to burn out. So get the support. Come coach with me. Come coach with someone else. Listen to these podcasts and support yourself and get supported because you being open and being honest and being able to use your words to impact change is everything. You don't need to believe more, right? You need to believe differently. You need to believe differently about yourself. And that starts the moment you stop letting doubt lead. And you start taking the reigns of yourself, your life, and your career.
All right. I hope you enjoy this episode. Let me know how it lands with you. If you have more questions, please feel free to DM me directly on LinkedIn. I'd love to connect with you. And of course, join the newsletter. I'd love to have you as part of our newsletter community where I share these empowering tips every single week. All right, have a beautiful rest of your day. Bye.
Thank you for being a part of The Balanced Leader community. We hope you found today's episode inspiring and actionable. For more resources and to connect with Yann, visit us at aspire-coaching.co. Until next time, keep leading with confidence and purpose.
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