Bonus: Inside COMMAND: The Moment You Start Leading Differently - Abi’s Experience
Have you ever felt like you’re doing everything right but still find yourself exhausted, second-guessing every decision, and struggling to make your leadership truly stand out? If so, you're not alone.
In today’s episode, we dive into a personal testimonial from Abi Almandinger, a client who transformed her leadership by stepping into command energy. This is more than a success story. It’s a powerful example of what happens when you embrace your authority without apology.
Join us this week as Abi shares her experience of the Command program, and how she learned how to tune into her emotions, lead with clarity, and shift into command energy that changed the way she shows up at work and in her personal life. If you’ve been feeling the weight of constantly managing your career, your relationships, and your emotional load, this episode will show you how to step into your own power and transform your leadership approach.
Interested in working with me? Book a free 1:1 consultation here!
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
How shifting from survival mode to command energy can elevate your leadership.
The importance of emotional attunement in creating leadership presence.
Why trusting your authority and emotions is essential for being taken seriously.
Real-world examples of how embracing command energy leads to visible change.
How stepping into your leadership power can transform your career trajectory.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
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Watch my TEDx talk: Reclaiming anger: A woman’s birthright
Abi Almandinger: LinkedIn
Episodes Related to Inside command:
60. How High-Achieving Women Advance Without Burnout: Commanding vs. Coping
61. Real-Time Coaching for Women Leaders: Mastering Thoughts, Emotions, and Actions
75. Inside COMMAND: Live Coaching for High-Achieving Women Leaders
Full Episode Transcript:
You just are very methodical on how you teach the class, right? So it's very specific, you know, this week it's pausing, this week it's listening, this week it's reflecting. And they're so simple. They're such simple things, but to really have somebody walk you through that and practice that, that is to me the thing that's been, you know, one of the most helpful things.
Welcome to The Balanced Leader, hosted by Yann Dang, a Leadership and Life Coach with over 20 years of corporate experience. Drawing from her journey as a former global finance leader and second-generation immigrant, Yann understands the unique challenges women face in male-dominated workplaces.
Each episode offers insights on balancing masculine and feminine energies, mastering soft skills, and building emotional intelligence. Join us to transform frustration into empowerment and unlock your authentic leadership potential.
Yann Dang: Hey podcast listeners, welcome to today's episode. I have a very special guest here. This is Abi. She's been part of my command leadership coaching group for high achieving women since January. And I brought her on to the show to specifically talk about what it's been like for her to be in command and what drew her to it. So let me introduce you to Abi. Abi, can you tell us more about yourself and welcome to the show.
Abi Almandinger: Thanks for having me. Yeah, so I really think that I found you just based on some deep diving into myself that I was looking for because I had gone through a traumatic firing from a very public facing job in a small town. And the skills that I was initially hired for and my personality, what, you know, those folks originally, you know, wanted out of me and what it, you know, what I brought to the table were then kind of turned around and twisted and a different group of people came in and then those skill sets and personalities were no longer desired and in fact became a problem.
And so I was really questioning, you know, who I am and, you know, my personality and am I too much and all of these things and I found you on LinkedIn, I think is originally how I came across you and I just started sort of following the things that you were posting and really resonating with it and then, you know, you had offered I think like a 15 minute call or something. And I just reached out to you. I was like, this lady is never going to respond to me. I'm sure she has like a million people that are trying to talk to her and you did just right away and we connected and then you sent me an email that was like, you know, you're not too much and you're not a problem. And so I was really touched by that and just was like basically trying to glean everything that I could from you, I think at that point.
Yann Dang: Yeah. Well, I actually remember you signed up for How to Be Heard in a Room Full of Men, The Leadership Lab, which was interesting because you, you know, you have a loud voice, right? You also are very direct. And I think when you came to me, you were like, well, I don't think that I have a problem speaking up, but there are some other things that I want to work on, right? And I want to understand my range. And I remember specifically when we talked, I was like, it's not so much like the directness of how you say things. It's more the relational piece of it. And we were talking a lot about your ability to create bridges and relationship with other folks, right? Because you have a big, I don't know, it's not so much you have a big personality, you're just very grounded and strong in yourself, which I think there are people that find that sometimes threatening or intimidating.
Abi Almandinger: For sure. For sure. And that's probably intimidating is one of the most used words to describe me. So that sounds very, very common.
Yann Dang: Yeah. And I think what I was like helping you to see is that's not a problem of in itself, right? But the relational piece and understanding the ways that people are threatened by us is just good data to have, right? Whether because sometimes I'm like, it's okay. Like it's kind of good that sometimes people are scared of you, right? Like that's okay in some circumstances and in others where we want to be more approachable, that's also data for us to be able to dial up and dial down according to ourselves, right? How we want to be felt and seen. So I kind of differentiate it from like, we're not shapeshifting to have other people feel comfortable necessarily, but we're more, how do we want to show up so that we create the relationship that we want.
Abi Almandinger: Absolutely. And that's what it's about, is the relationships. And so that was a really important component to me as well. And so I was feeling a little frustrated why, you know, I was, you know, these people felt alienated by me for whatever reason, you know, and I'm like, that's the thing that I care the most about. So how do we make it better?
Yann Dang: Yeah. So that this is great. So tell me more about, so we're about half in, right? You started with the Command leadership coaching group. So this was the first time I launched this specific group in January. We actually have a cohort that's going to kick off in April. But as you've been in the group, it's been about 10 sessions so far. What has it been like for you?
Abi Almandinger: You know, I think for me, really connecting with my emotions and my feelings has been some of the work that you have, you know, tasked us with as far as homework and things to think about, you know, through the week and little pieces, right? Like the little girl and then, you know, just some other things. And so I have never really journaled. I've never really done much of that type of work before. And so it was hard for me at the beginning, but I found that when I started writing and getting into it, then I did have thoughts about it, you know, and just reconnecting with myself as a little, you know, as my inner child and my inner voice of who I, you know, who I wanted to be and who I wanted to protect. So that was one thing that really has stuck with me.
And then I think just the like you just are very methodical on how you teach the class, right? So it's very specific, you know, this week it's pausing, this week it's listening, this week it's reflecting. And they're so simple. They're such simple things, but to really have somebody walk you through that and practice that, that is to me the thing that's been, you know, one of the most helpful things.
Yann Dang: Yeah. Well, I was just curious too of like when you thought about joining Command, what was it for you? What was the thing that you wanted to get out of it for yourself?
Abi Almandinger: I think initially I was actually to be honest, when I first started the group, like the Command group, I was like, I'm not sure that I am the person for this group because I think, you know, as you said before, like it's mostly for people who do struggle to have their voice heard or are a little bit too timid to like speak up and that's not really me at all. So I was a little, I was like, oh, I don't know if it's for me.
But then right away, I felt very comfortable because you just would pick up on certain things or you just, whatever you said just really resonated with me and I'm like, okay, but I can focus on the more relational piece, which is what I think I was missing and how to be more grounded. I think I'm a little bullheaded and I've had a chip on my shoulder, you know, from some of my past things, just growing up and, you know, men. And so I think I had gone into it with this chip on my shoulder really like, no, I'm going to make people listen to me and I'm going to, you know, I'm going to do this and what I'm thinking and this idea is correct. And that's not necessarily the case and just reframing it in a different way, makes your voice be heard so much more, I think.
Yann Dang: Yeah, and I think a big thing that, you know, what you're touching on is I always say that there's a continuum, right? And of course in The Leadership Lab, we talk about being more of that passive side, the more ghost or good girl versus being more of that like activated, like, you know, ball busting person. And so it shows up for different people in different ways, right? I would say all of the women in the container are powerful in different ways, but it's how they express that and show that up.
And part of Command is first being able to command yourself, that relationship with yourself so that you can be grounded and so that you have a strong relationship and you don't have to defend so strongly. And I think that's the like what I've been seeing with your work, Abi, is just like you're just like, oh, I noticed the defensiveness, but I noticed there's a choice. Like, do I go there or do I not? Can I be more expansive and open up to other things? Can you talk a little bit more about how that's been showing up for you?
Abi Almandinger: Yeah, for sure. And I think to your point, I mean, sometimes the right call is to be a little bit more defensive if you, you know, if that's what it is needed in the moment. But to be able to evaluate that in the moment and take that pause, do that reflection without, you know, having a big flare up and then being so defensive that it's just not going to come across or it's just not going to land. And so for me, I think the thing that I've taken away the most is the listening and the pausing and just being a little calmer in my interactions with people. I started a new job and so getting to know new personalities and how people work together and that type of thing. And I've just been doing more listening and, you know, waiting longer if there is a meeting of, you know, let's say eight or 10 people in the room and not being the first one to speak up all the time and just waiting and see what, you know, see what other people have to say and that type of thing.
Yann Dang: Yeah, I think this is like for you, it's like holding space for other people, but not diminishing yourself or not shrinking yourself down, right? Like you're still there, but you don't have to jump in so much, right? You know in your bones because of your relationship with yourself that you are valuable and you're there for a reason. So there's less like needing to jump in.
Abi Almandinger: Right, for sure. For sure. And that's a key point too, the valuable, we just did that one, you know, what, two weeks ago, I think, and every time I got pinged in our group chat, I would just repeat that and it was really impactful for me.
Yann Dang: Yeah, tell me more, how was that impactful for you?
Abi Almandinger: I think I come from a place of that traditional male culture where I'm the patriarch, I'm the man and, you know, women don't get an opinion. I was raised in a very religious, very conservative environment and that was just the way it was. And so I kind of fought and clawed my way out of that, which I'm really happy that I did, but I've never gotten that value, you know, from my dad specifically. I've never been, I mean, he would tell me he loved me occasionally, I'm sure when I was a younger kid, but like in my adult years, I have never gotten that, I'm proud of you or you've done a great job in all of your business and career and that type of thing. And so I think that was really important for me to just hear that and be telling myself that.
Yann Dang: And how has it been for you with all of the women in Command? Like what has it been like for you to connect with them, get coaching with them?
Abi Almandinger: I love this group of women so much and I don't even necessarily know them so well. I just know that I feel this kinship with them and I actually have this other example. I have a personal trainer and she has a group of people and there's a group chat and there's an app for it and there's all this stuff and they're very rah. And I told her from the beginning, I was like, I don't need this. I'm not the type of person that needs like, hey, you did a great job today, you made it to your workout, you know, good job. I said, I'm not going to engage probably very much. I'll, you know, I'll read the content whatever, but I just don't need that from this group of people. And she was like, oh, that's fine, you know.
And I feel the complete opposite about this group. Command is like, I know I could reach out to any of these women at any time to say anything that I needed to. It's just a kinship and I think it's because we're all in the same place, right? We're all looking for the same thing and not that the workout club wasn't that for them, but this is just a little bit different. And then also, I think that I felt so safe with these women as well as comfortable because I felt like they get me because there are some of them in Command that are similar to me that are very outspoken, that are very direct. And I was like, oh, they've heard the same thing that they're too much or that they're whatever, they need to smile more or whatever it is. I'm like, they could identify with some of these things I'm saying. So for me, it was the kinship and just how safe I feel and really being vulnerable and saying like true like everyday things. Well, this happened and it was a really crappy day and the support that I get from those women.
Yann Dang: Yeah, I think like one of the big things that draw folks to the group is that you can have your emotions, right? And we're not sort of like indulging in them. We're actually just processing them. There's nothing wrong with those emotions. And to your point, right, it's not just all this rah, right? It's like, oh, you feel really hurt. Okay, great. Thanks, you know, like this is a big thing to even recognize it and to notice it and to validate it, right? So I appreciate you sharing all of that and, you know, what you're getting out of the group and how everybody gets connected.
Abi Almandinger: Yeah, I think it's the vulnerability as well because in this group we've we've all shared some really important things, some really hard things and big things that each of us are dealing with, you know, both personally and in our careers. And it's not just about your career, it's about all kinds of things that are affecting, you know, we're kind of expected to be the perfect mom, the perfect wife, the perfect everything and to have it all together and be this amazing person in our careers. So to be able to recognize that's just not the way it is all of the time and that's okay is very significant.
Yann Dang: Yeah, that's so great. I remember just last week somebody was like, yeah, I was told I'm too blonde, I'm too old, I'm too young, right? So I think there's also the camaraderie of like, oh, like everybody's hearing this. It's not just me. And it normalizes the experience so that you can have a little separation from it and the story or the like how you take it so personally and be like, okay, well, you know, how do I want to take in this, right? Do I want to have a big emotional reaction to this? Do I want to see that there's data from it? Am I ready to move on from it, right? And am I angry with it and then I want to shift. So there's a lot of choices that we all are exposed to as we notice everybody else dealing with very similar things. And I think the biggest thing here is choice, right? We can always pause and choose how we want to look at all of these situations.
Abi Almandinger: Yeah, absolutely.
Yann Dang: Yeah. Well, tell me, if you, you know, if you know that there are women, because I know there's probably women listening that are really curious about command, maybe they're on the fence, maybe they're thinking about it. What would you say to those women?
Abi Almandinger: I can't recommend it enough. I think that the process that you go through and the things that you, you know, teach, especially the first one that I did with the how to be heard in a room full of men. I had never heard those different the masks, the survival masks.
Yann Dang: The command states.
Abi Almandinger: The command states, yeah. And I was just like blown away because I was all of them. I've been all of them at, you know, whatever time. And I texted a girlfriend of mine and I was like, you have to listen to this. This is like amazing. And so that was really the first thing that probably blew me away and so I wanted to sign up for the deeper dive for sure.
Yann Dang: Yeah, great. Well, thank you so much. And we'll put in the show notes. I did a whole episode on those command states and survival states as well. So we could bring the work out there more. But thank you so much for sharing your experience, Abi. I know that it's been a journey for you. You are such a powerhouse in the group and I am so happy to have you in our group sharing and of course sharing your experience with all of these folks on The Balanced Leader as well.
Abi Almandinger: Thank you so much for having me.
Yann Dang: Yeah. Is there any parting words you want to, you know, if somebody's out there listening thinking that they're too much or has been told that they're too much or has grown up with a father who's like, you know, not been very supportive of their daughter? Is there something that you want to share for them to hear?
Abi Almandinger: Well, I think the most important thing is lean into who you are. You know, you are who you are. You're a fabulous person exactly how you were created and there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. And those are phenomenal skills to have to change the world in whatever it is that you're passionate about. So don't hold back and be who you are.
Yann Dang: Thank you. Well, thanks so much for being on the show again. And all of you listeners out there, if you want to connect with Abi, Abi can they connect with you on LinkedIn or what's the best way to connect with you?
Abi Almandinger: Sure, yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, I'd love it.
Yann Dang: Okay, and how what's your last name? Can you say?
Abi Almandinger: Yes, my last name is Almandinger. It's A L M A N D I N G E R. I'm the only Abi Almandinger out there, so I'm easy to find.
Yann Dang: Okay.
Abi Almandinger: And my first name is A B I. I'm just weird all the way around.
Yann Dang: Oh, that's true. Yeah, A B I. I know. I remember seeing it and I'm like, is that spelled properly? Like on our side, I was like, did somebody not spell that right? But thank you again so much for being on the show. And I appreciate you and I can't wait to see you next Tuesday when we have our Command group together.
Abi Almandinger: Thanks so much. This was great, Yann.
Yann Dang: Okay. Bye.
Thank you for being a part of The Balanced Leader community. We hope you found today's episode inspiring and actionable. For more resources and to connect with Yann, visit us at aspire-coaching.co. Until next time, keep leading with confidence and purpose.
Welcome to The Balanced Leader, hosted by Yann Dang, a Leadership and Life Coach with over 20 years of corporate experience. Drawing from her journey as a former global finance leader and second-generation immigrant, Yann understands the unique challenges women face in male-dominated workplaces.
Each episode offers insights on balancing masculine and feminine energies, mastering soft skills, and building emotional intelligence. Join us to transform frustration into empowerment and unlock your authentic leadership potential.
Yann Dang: Hey podcast listeners, welcome to today's episode. I have a very special guest here. This is Abi. She's been part of my command leadership coaching group for high achieving women since January. And I brought her on to the show to specifically talk about what it's been like for her to be in command and what drew her to it. So let me introduce you to Abi. Abi, can you tell us more about yourself and welcome to the show.
Abi Almandinger: Thanks for having me. Yeah, so I really think that I found you just based on some deep diving into myself that I was looking for because I had gone through a traumatic firing from a very public facing job in a small town. And the skills that I was initially hired for and my personality, what, you know, those folks originally, you know, wanted out of me and what it, you know, what I brought to the table were then kind of turned around and twisted and a different group of people came in and then those skill sets and personalities were no longer desired and in fact became a problem.
And so I was really questioning, you know, who I am and, you know, my personality and am I too much and all of these things and I found you on LinkedIn, I think is originally how I came across you and I just started sort of following the things that you were posting and really resonating with it and then, you know, you had offered I think like a 15 minute call or something. And I just reached out to you. I was like, this lady is never going to respond to me. I'm sure she has like a million people that are trying to talk to her and you did just right away and we connected and then you sent me an email that was like, you know, you're not too much and you're not a problem. And so I was really touched by that and just was like basically trying to glean everything that I could from you, I think at that point.
Yann Dang: Yeah. Well, I actually remember you signed up for How to Be Heard in a Room Full of Men, The Leadership Lab, which was interesting because you, you know, you have a loud voice, right? You also are very direct. And I think when you came to me, you were like, well, I don't think that I have a problem speaking up, but there are some other things that I want to work on, right? And I want to understand my range. And I remember specifically when we talked, I was like, it's not so much like the directness of how you say things. It's more the relational piece of it. And we were talking a lot about your ability to create bridges and relationship with other folks, right? Because you have a big, I don't know, it's not so much you have a big personality, you're just very grounded and strong in yourself, which I think there are people that find that sometimes threatening or intimidating.
Abi Almandinger: For sure. For sure. And that's probably intimidating is one of the most used words to describe me. So that sounds very, very common.
Yann Dang: Yeah. And I think what I was like helping you to see is that's not a problem of in itself, right? But the relational piece and understanding the ways that people are threatened by us is just good data to have, right? Whether because sometimes I'm like, it's okay. Like it's kind of good that sometimes people are scared of you, right? Like that's okay in some circumstances and in others where we want to be more approachable, that's also data for us to be able to dial up and dial down according to ourselves, right? How we want to be felt and seen. So I kind of differentiate it from like, we're not shapeshifting to have other people feel comfortable necessarily, but we're more, how do we want to show up so that we create the relationship that we want.
Abi Almandinger: Absolutely. And that's what it's about, is the relationships. And so that was a really important component to me as well. And so I was feeling a little frustrated why, you know, I was, you know, these people felt alienated by me for whatever reason, you know, and I'm like, that's the thing that I care the most about. So how do we make it better?
Yann Dang: Yeah. So that this is great. So tell me more about, so we're about half in, right? You started with the Command leadership coaching group. So this was the first time I launched this specific group in January. We actually have a cohort that's going to kick off in April. But as you've been in the group, it's been about 10 sessions so far. What has it been like for you?
Abi Almandinger: You know, I think for me, really connecting with my emotions and my feelings has been some of the work that you have, you know, tasked us with as far as homework and things to think about, you know, through the week and little pieces, right? Like the little girl and then, you know, just some other things. And so I have never really journaled. I've never really done much of that type of work before. And so it was hard for me at the beginning, but I found that when I started writing and getting into it, then I did have thoughts about it, you know, and just reconnecting with myself as a little, you know, as my inner child and my inner voice of who I, you know, who I wanted to be and who I wanted to protect. So that was one thing that really has stuck with me.
And then I think just the like you just are very methodical on how you teach the class, right? So it's very specific, you know, this week it's pausing, this week it's listening, this week it's reflecting. And they're so simple. They're such simple things, but to really have somebody walk you through that and practice that, that is to me the thing that's been, you know, one of the most helpful things.
Yann Dang: Yeah. Well, I was just curious too of like when you thought about joining Command, what was it for you? What was the thing that you wanted to get out of it for yourself?
Abi Almandinger: I think initially I was actually to be honest, when I first started the group, like the Command group, I was like, I'm not sure that I am the person for this group because I think, you know, as you said before, like it's mostly for people who do struggle to have their voice heard or are a little bit too timid to like speak up and that's not really me at all. So I was a little, I was like, oh, I don't know if it's for me.
But then right away, I felt very comfortable because you just would pick up on certain things or you just, whatever you said just really resonated with me and I'm like, okay, but I can focus on the more relational piece, which is what I think I was missing and how to be more grounded. I think I'm a little bullheaded and I've had a chip on my shoulder, you know, from some of my past things, just growing up and, you know, men. And so I think I had gone into it with this chip on my shoulder really like, no, I'm going to make people listen to me and I'm going to, you know, I'm going to do this and what I'm thinking and this idea is correct. And that's not necessarily the case and just reframing it in a different way, makes your voice be heard so much more, I think.
Yann Dang: Yeah, and I think a big thing that, you know, what you're touching on is I always say that there's a continuum, right? And of course in The Leadership Lab, we talk about being more of that passive side, the more ghost or good girl versus being more of that like activated, like, you know, ball busting person. And so it shows up for different people in different ways, right? I would say all of the women in the container are powerful in different ways, but it's how they express that and show that up.
And part of Command is first being able to command yourself, that relationship with yourself so that you can be grounded and so that you have a strong relationship and you don't have to defend so strongly. And I think that's the like what I've been seeing with your work, Abi, is just like you're just like, oh, I noticed the defensiveness, but I noticed there's a choice. Like, do I go there or do I not? Can I be more expansive and open up to other things? Can you talk a little bit more about how that's been showing up for you?
Abi Almandinger: Yeah, for sure. And I think to your point, I mean, sometimes the right call is to be a little bit more defensive if you, you know, if that's what it is needed in the moment. But to be able to evaluate that in the moment and take that pause, do that reflection without, you know, having a big flare up and then being so defensive that it's just not going to come across or it's just not going to land. And so for me, I think the thing that I've taken away the most is the listening and the pausing and just being a little calmer in my interactions with people. I started a new job and so getting to know new personalities and how people work together and that type of thing. And I've just been doing more listening and, you know, waiting longer if there is a meeting of, you know, let's say eight or 10 people in the room and not being the first one to speak up all the time and just waiting and see what, you know, see what other people have to say and that type of thing.
Yann Dang: Yeah, I think this is like for you, it's like holding space for other people, but not diminishing yourself or not shrinking yourself down, right? Like you're still there, but you don't have to jump in so much, right? You know in your bones because of your relationship with yourself that you are valuable and you're there for a reason. So there's less like needing to jump in.
Abi Almandinger: Right, for sure. For sure. And that's a key point too, the valuable, we just did that one, you know, what, two weeks ago, I think, and every time I got pinged in our group chat, I would just repeat that and it was really impactful for me.
Yann Dang: Yeah, tell me more, how was that impactful for you?
Abi Almandinger: I think I come from a place of that traditional male culture where I'm the patriarch, I'm the man and, you know, women don't get an opinion. I was raised in a very religious, very conservative environment and that was just the way it was. And so I kind of fought and clawed my way out of that, which I'm really happy that I did, but I've never gotten that value, you know, from my dad specifically. I've never been, I mean, he would tell me he loved me occasionally, I'm sure when I was a younger kid, but like in my adult years, I have never gotten that, I'm proud of you or you've done a great job in all of your business and career and that type of thing. And so I think that was really important for me to just hear that and be telling myself that.
Yann Dang: And how has it been for you with all of the women in Command? Like what has it been like for you to connect with them, get coaching with them?
Abi Almandinger: I love this group of women so much and I don't even necessarily know them so well. I just know that I feel this kinship with them and I actually have this other example. I have a personal trainer and she has a group of people and there's a group chat and there's an app for it and there's all this stuff and they're very rah. And I told her from the beginning, I was like, I don't need this. I'm not the type of person that needs like, hey, you did a great job today, you made it to your workout, you know, good job. I said, I'm not going to engage probably very much. I'll, you know, I'll read the content whatever, but I just don't need that from this group of people. And she was like, oh, that's fine, you know.
And I feel the complete opposite about this group. Command is like, I know I could reach out to any of these women at any time to say anything that I needed to. It's just a kinship and I think it's because we're all in the same place, right? We're all looking for the same thing and not that the workout club wasn't that for them, but this is just a little bit different. And then also, I think that I felt so safe with these women as well as comfortable because I felt like they get me because there are some of them in Command that are similar to me that are very outspoken, that are very direct. And I was like, oh, they've heard the same thing that they're too much or that they're whatever, they need to smile more or whatever it is. I'm like, they could identify with some of these things I'm saying. So for me, it was the kinship and just how safe I feel and really being vulnerable and saying like true like everyday things. Well, this happened and it was a really crappy day and the support that I get from those women.
Yann Dang: Yeah, I think like one of the big things that draw folks to the group is that you can have your emotions, right? And we're not sort of like indulging in them. We're actually just processing them. There's nothing wrong with those emotions. And to your point, right, it's not just all this rah, right? It's like, oh, you feel really hurt. Okay, great. Thanks, you know, like this is a big thing to even recognize it and to notice it and to validate it, right? So I appreciate you sharing all of that and, you know, what you're getting out of the group and how everybody gets connected.
Abi Almandinger: Yeah, I think it's the vulnerability as well because in this group we've we've all shared some really important things, some really hard things and big things that each of us are dealing with, you know, both personally and in our careers. And it's not just about your career, it's about all kinds of things that are affecting, you know, we're kind of expected to be the perfect mom, the perfect wife, the perfect everything and to have it all together and be this amazing person in our careers. So to be able to recognize that's just not the way it is all of the time and that's okay is very significant.
Yann Dang: Yeah, that's so great. I remember just last week somebody was like, yeah, I was told I'm too blonde, I'm too old, I'm too young, right? So I think there's also the camaraderie of like, oh, like everybody's hearing this. It's not just me. And it normalizes the experience so that you can have a little separation from it and the story or the like how you take it so personally and be like, okay, well, you know, how do I want to take in this, right? Do I want to have a big emotional reaction to this? Do I want to see that there's data from it? Am I ready to move on from it, right? And am I angry with it and then I want to shift. So there's a lot of choices that we all are exposed to as we notice everybody else dealing with very similar things. And I think the biggest thing here is choice, right? We can always pause and choose how we want to look at all of these situations.
Abi Almandinger: Yeah, absolutely.
Yann Dang: Yeah. Well, tell me, if you, you know, if you know that there are women, because I know there's probably women listening that are really curious about command, maybe they're on the fence, maybe they're thinking about it. What would you say to those women?
Abi Almandinger: I can't recommend it enough. I think that the process that you go through and the things that you, you know, teach, especially the first one that I did with the how to be heard in a room full of men. I had never heard those different the masks, the survival masks.
Yann Dang: The command states.
Abi Almandinger: The command states, yeah. And I was just like blown away because I was all of them. I've been all of them at, you know, whatever time. And I texted a girlfriend of mine and I was like, you have to listen to this. This is like amazing. And so that was really the first thing that probably blew me away and so I wanted to sign up for the deeper dive for sure.
Yann Dang: Yeah, great. Well, thank you so much. And we'll put in the show notes. I did a whole episode on those command states and survival states as well. So we could bring the work out there more. But thank you so much for sharing your experience, Abi. I know that it's been a journey for you. You are such a powerhouse in the group and I am so happy to have you in our group sharing and of course sharing your experience with all of these folks on The Balanced Leader as well.
Abi Almandinger: Thank you so much for having me.
Yann Dang: Yeah. Is there any parting words you want to, you know, if somebody's out there listening thinking that they're too much or has been told that they're too much or has grown up with a father who's like, you know, not been very supportive of their daughter? Is there something that you want to share for them to hear?
Abi Almandinger: Well, I think the most important thing is lean into who you are. You know, you are who you are. You're a fabulous person exactly how you were created and there's absolutely nothing wrong with you. And those are phenomenal skills to have to change the world in whatever it is that you're passionate about. So don't hold back and be who you are.
Yann Dang: Thank you. Well, thanks so much for being on the show again. And all of you listeners out there, if you want to connect with Abi, Abi can they connect with you on LinkedIn or what's the best way to connect with you?
Abi Almandinger: Sure, yeah, that'd be great. Yeah, I'd love it.
Yann Dang: Okay, and how what's your last name? Can you say?
Abi Almandinger: Yes, my last name is Almandinger. It's A L M A N D I N G E R. I'm the only Abi Almandinger out there, so I'm easy to find.
Yann Dang: Okay.
Abi Almandinger: And my first name is A B I. I'm just weird all the way around.
Yann Dang: Oh, that's true. Yeah, A B I. I know. I remember seeing it and I'm like, is that spelled properly? Like on our side, I was like, did somebody not spell that right? But thank you again so much for being on the show. And I appreciate you and I can't wait to see you next Tuesday when we have our Command group together.
Abi Almandinger: Thanks so much. This was great, Yann.
Yann Dang: Okay. Bye.
Thank you for being a part of The Balanced Leader community. We hope you found today's episode inspiring and actionable. For more resources and to connect with Yann, visit us at aspire-coaching.co. Until next time, keep leading with confidence and purpose.
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