bullies

have you dealt with bullies in the workplace?

I recently coached a client about bullies in the workplace. I explained that there are many choices to dealing with bullies, some more effective and growthful than others:

you can run away

you can allow the bully to intimidate you

you can try to empathize with the bully

you stand up for yourself

you intentionally focus on the outcome you want to achieve

The choice is YOURS. Some of these choices will lead to growth and the ability to handle any bullies that cross your path in the future. Learning to channel your feelings and energy into action is key!

My journey with dealing with bullies at work involved choosing all the choices above. In the beginning, I was in shock that someone could get so angry with me at work. I recall when one boss yelled at me in front of my direct report I had these thoughts in my head - “is this really happening? this is so unprofessional.” Other times, I would feel defeated, shut down, and upset. I felt helpless like a victim but I knew I had a voice I just let my fear overwhelm me. I often chose a flight or freeze response.

It was not until I got in touch with my anger did I start building the courage to stand up for myself. I used my anger to intentionally and responsibly speak up for what was important to me. I recall the day I was in a meeting with my boss. I expected his normal yelling but this time I didn’t let his tone or voice faze me. I kept focusing and redirecting the conversation to the business problem at hand. This was my way of choosing to fight. I didn’t need to scream or yell, but I needed to stand firm and share my thoughts. I kept my cool and focused on the facts. It was amazing, he actually heard me and before I knew it we were strategizing together. I felt very satisfied and proud of myself for learning how to effectively deal with a bully. It did not happen over night but I was determined to be heard and I kept trying different tactics.

Here are my top tips to dealing with a bully:

1.) Do not try to emotionally reason with a bully. Instead focus on the business outcome you want to achieve.

2.) Intentionally ask the bully questions about how to get towards the outcome that’s best for the company

3.) Channel your anger in an intentional way, allowing it to bring certainty and a grounded quality to your voice.

4.) Be consistent and concise. A bully may try to confuse you or redirect the conversation.

5.) Remember that you are learning from this experience. Yes, it is uncomfortable but that’s how you grow and learn to stand up for yourself.

Want more tips to effectively work and communicate with any stakeholder? Book a free consultation with us!