GOSSIP!

The Invisible Cost of GOSSIP!

You share something about someone to another person, in a way that you would not do if that someone was sitting right there.

You feel better venting and relieving the upset by sharing about it.

You connect with the person you are sharing with, creating an alliance.

You feel powerful talking about this other person that’s not there.

You are superior and judgmental.

And the hidden cost to you is…

You don’t learn by hiding behind others to share your true feelings.

You don’t get to be truly seen or heard.

You lose out on not taking 100% responsibility for your satisfaction in relationships.

You lose the opportunity to use your uncomfortable feelings towards your growth by clearing with the person.

You don't step into your vulnerability by sharing your truth.

You find alliance in the shadows of secrecy instead of the light of vulnerability.

You teach others that gossiping is okay and you condone this behavior.

You become more and more of an inauthentic leader.

The choice is yours….

I’ve historically struggled with this one in both my personal and professional life. I really enjoyed connecting with people easily over gossiping. A few years ago, at a leadership training, I came head-to-head with my gossiping especially about authority figures. The leader of the training came straight to me and confronted me about it. At first, I was shocked, embarrassed and ashamed but it was a powerful learning opportunity for me. I was not one to start the gossip outright but I would definitely jump on the bandwagon once someone else got it started. I did not realize until that moment what a disservice I was doing to myself and others by not sharing my judgements and upset out loud. Instead, I cowardly hid in the shadows and told secrets in the dark with other people who also did not speak up directly. That day I learned how hiding and gossiping keeps me from growing into the authentic leader I wanted to be.

Want to stop gossiping but don’t know how?

Here are some tips:

Own your gossip, if you gossiped about someone go clear with them

When people around you gossip, excuse yourself. You don’t need to be the gossip police but you also don’t need to sit and listen.
If someone comes to complain to you about someone else, don’t jump in the pool with them. Instead empower them to confront and clear with that person.

When you get the urge to gossip, pause and ask yourself:
· What is the cost of me doing this?
· What am I hiding from?
· What feelings am I avoiding?
· How can I show up as the leader I want to be?