29. Own Your Leadership Voice: 5 Habits to Break Today
Have you ever left a meeting feeling frustrated because your voice wasn't heard, or your point was repeated by someone else who got all the credit? I've been there too. Those moments when we struggle to command attention in high-stakes situations aren't just coincidences – they're patterns that can significantly impact our leadership trajectory and how others perceive our executive presence.
As women, we often fall into communication habits that quietly undermine our authority. From overexplaining our decisions to rushing through important points, these patterns stem from deeper beliefs about our worthiness to take up space. Through my years of coaching hundreds of women leaders, I've identified five common habits that repeatedly surface, especially in those intimidating rooms where the stakes feel highest.
In this episode, I break down each of these self-sabotaging communication patterns and provide clear examples of how to transform them. You'll hear the stark difference between undermining and empowered speech patterns, complete with real-world examples you can immediately apply. This isn't just about changing how you speak – it's about reprogramming your mindset to own your voice with the power and presence that matches your expertise.
Whether you're leading a team, making big bold decisions, or tackling tough conversations, confidence is the key to showing up powerfully. That's why I created the Confidence Hack, a simple yet powerful tool that has helped tons of women just like you break free from limiting beliefs and step fully into their potential.
Click here to download the Confidence Hack for free now!
What You’ll Learn from this Episode:
5 habits that are quietly sabotaging your leadership voice.
How to recognize and overcome the habit of overexplaining and justifying your decisions.
Why repeating yourself for validation undermines your authority.
The powerful impact of slowing down your speech and embracing the "sexy pause" to command attention.
How to stop holding back your opinions in high-stakes meetings and speak with conviction.
The subtle damage caused by "up-speak" and how to deliver statements with clarity instead of questions.
Listen to the Full Episode:
Featured on the Show:
If you haven’t already, please follow the podcast and leave a rating and review to let me know what you think. Find complete instructions here!
Full Episode Transcript:
Did you know that women are more likely to over-explain, rush their words, or soften their opinions in meetings? Research shows that these communication habits don't just impact how we're perceived. They directly affect our leadership influence, confidence, and career trajectory.
If you've ever caught yourself repeating a point, talking too fast, over justifying your decisions, or hesitating before speaking, this episode is for you. These habits aren't just quirks. They're deeply tied to the fear of taking up space, a lack of entitlement, and not expecting to be heard. And the solution? It's not just about changing how you speak. It's about reprogramming your mindset to own your voice with power and presence.
Welcome to The Balanced Leader, hosted by Yann Dang, a Leadership and Life Coach with over 20 years of corporate experience. Drawing from her journey as a former global finance leader and second-generation immigrant, Yann understands the unique challenges women face in male-dominated workplaces.
Each episode offers insights on balancing masculine and feminine energies, mastering soft skills, and building emotional intelligence. Join us to transform frustration into empowerment and unlock your authentic leadership potential.
Hey podcast listeners, welcome to episode 29. This is about owning your leadership voice. So, I wanted to share just about myself in terms of my own growth and transformation as I learned to own my leadership voice more over the years. I remember leaving meetings sometimes and feeling so angry. I didn't speak up, or maybe I did speak up, but it didn't land, like I didn't feel like it made an impact. Or maybe I spoke up and then one of my male colleagues said the same thing I said, but somehow it landed differently for them.
Today's episode is all about exploring five habits that quietly sabotage your leadership voice. And I'm going to share a lot of my own examples and my client's examples in here. And we are going to really dive into why this shows up, how to recognize it, the empowering thoughts that will shift it. And finally, I will give you live examples so you can hear the difference.
I want you to be picking a habit as you listen to this of like, oh, this is what I do, right? And really going to school on yourself with this because the impact of not truly owning your leadership voice is more than just that moment of that meeting. It's the way that people remember you. And if you are starting to notice yourself having these habits, and often times, I just want to reiterate, this happens more when we feel like there are higher stakes.
So for example, this typically doesn't happen unless you're in a situation where you feel more fear or the stakes are higher. So, often times, the women that I coach, they're like, I am a great leader, especially when I'm leading my direct reports. I'm clear, I'm confident, I tell them what I need, I don't hold back. And you have a lot of trust in that relationship. But when they go to a leadership team meeting, their peers, or even more senior people, they start noticing these habits come back.
And I want you to know that these habits, what we want to go to school on is noticing which ones will show up and how it is showing up for yourself. And knowing that what is actually happening oftentimes is our bodies are feeling scared, we're having some limiting thought, and it's showing up in one of these behaviors. But these habits really undermine your leadership voice and really how you're perceived as a leader over time.
It is going to be these high-stake situations in these meetings where if you are able to take up space, more times people will say, wow, she has really good leadership presence, or she has a lot of gravitas, or she is really able to command a room. These are the habits that undermine all of this.
So we're going to go through each of these habits one by one. I'm talking about the top five habits that, of the hundreds of women I've coached over the years, these are the ones that come up the most. And they're also the ones that I struggle with myself. So listen, ladies, you're not alone. This is part of owning your leadership voice is really understanding what are those things that come in and quietly sabotage our leadership voice.
Okay, let's dive into habit number one, which is overexplaining and justifying. So, I'm going to give you examples of what this sounds like before and after. But let's first dig into why does this happen? It's usually a fear of being not enough, feeling like you need to prove yourself, like your words are not important enough to just be heard. You need to explain it.
And the way to spot it is to notice, are you speaking in long-winded backstories? And are you using filters like, I just want to explain? Speaking without pausing? These are other ways where it's almost like you're leaking anxiety and you're not really pacing yourself and you're not actually with yourself. So, you say a lot of words, and the more words we say, the more harder it is for people to digest those words, to be with us, to stay with us.
And so you want to notice, are you somebody who uses too many things, too many studies, for example, too much data, and people are kind of getting lost and you're losing yourself in that story too? What you want to do is notice that, but also practice this empowering belief: My voice and perspective matter. Another empowering thought is, I am enough. When we feel like we're enough, we don't need to overexplain, we don't need to justify. We just know we are enough. My voice, my explanation is enough, and we don't need any extras.
Here's what it sounds like when you're overexplaining. “The project timeline is tight, but I just wanted to explain why we need to approach it this way. So I looked into several alternatives, but this option seemed the most feasible. The client expressed concerns about delays, so I wanted to make sure that this plan addresses those worries. And honestly, it's based on careful analysis. I hope that makes sense.”
You want to notice how long-winded that was. This habit stems from the desire to ensure acceptance. But it can dilute the clarity of the message and project uncertainty. There's so many ways in which, when I was explaining that, it's like I checked, I double checked, I triple checked, right? And so sometimes people hear that and they're like, wow, they had to check a lot. They seem really uncertain about themselves because they checked so much. Versus, this is what it could sound like. This version delivers the message more clearly without unnecessary elaboration, and projects confidence in the decision.
“The project timeline is tight. After reviewing alternatives, this is the best option to address client concerns and ensure our success.” So with that, just saying that, it allows for people, if they have more questions, if they want to ask about your methods, if they want to dive in, it's more of a back and forth, and it's less convincing, it's more grounded. And I wanted to give you those examples so that you can really feel how it lands for you when you hear it those two different ways.
Let's dive into habit number two, which is repeating yourself for validation. This usually comes up from not trusting your message will land the first time. There is some fear that they didn't hear you, that they didn't get it. So you're not getting some sort of emotional reaction from them that you're expecting. So, instead, you repeat yourself. And you want to spot it because you're saying the same idea in multiple ways.
I actually had a CEO that I worked with who would tell me, I heard you the first time. And he didn't say it in a nasty way, but I knew that there was some belief around myself and not trusting that men heard me, and I would repeat myself often in different ways to make sure they heard it. And what I noticed in that is there's either a lack in me trusting them or there's a lack in myself trusting myself to say something that actually lands with them.
So the empowering belief that you can work on instead of feeling like it's not going to land, people are not listening to me, right? Those are the limiting beliefs, is I expect to be heard the first time. This is really about you respecting yourself and your leadership voice, but also respecting the person that you're speaking to, and not treating them like you're nagging them.
I remember I used to tell my staff this, if I'm nagging you and I'm telling you things multiple times, it's not good for you or I. So there's something that I need to hear that you're getting something done and I'm going to stop myself if I notice myself repeating, to ensure it's going to happen, repeating for that validation. So you want to notice and really work on this empowering belief of I expect to be heard the first time.
Let me give you the two versions of how it sounds when you repeat yourself for validation. “As I said earlier, the team delivered strong results this quarter. And I want to reiterate our performance across key metrics has been excellent. Just to repeat, the growth we've achieved in these areas speak volumes about our strategy and execution.”
So you'll notice in what I said is that repeating the same points can undermine your authority. Again, it kind of seems like you're convincing, right? Making the speaker appear unsure of their ability to communicate effectively the first time. So you want to notice, is this something that you do, especially in those high stake situations where you're a little nervous? Are you repeating yourself? Instead, this is the version that communicates the point once with authority, ensuring every word carries impact. You want to notice my pace in saying this as well.
“The team delivered strong results this quarter with growth across key metrics. Our strategy and execution speak for themselves.” All right, that was it. Simple, a lot less words, and not repeating yourself.
Okay, so for the next one, this is talking too fast. Again, this really happens when we're rushing to speak before someone interrupts us, or it's signaling nerves instead of confidence. It also comes from a lack of feeling entitled to take up space, right? People are, ooh, I don't want to take up so much space in this board meeting. But if you're an executive that believes that your voice matters, right? And you're an executive that believes that you are providing value, then you will slow down.
But to spot it, you want to notice, is your delivery quite fast? Does it lack pauses? Are you compressing your thoughts together? What's actually happening? You want to be in tune with yourself. And I've done other episodes on emotional work, but this is really about attuning to your emotions and slowing yourself down. Often times we have this fear and we just want to spit it out as quick as possible to get rid of the fear. But the reality is that it is causing us to come off uncertain, immature, not the executive that we want to be.
If you look at people that are senior executives, the way they talk, the way they respond, they're very measured. They take up space, they take up pauses. I remember sometimes I'm with senior leaders where I'm thinking, are they thinking or what's going on here? There's this long pause. And I just realized they really are thinking and they're taking up the space to think, and that just shows that they're a seasoned executive where they feel entitled. You said something to me, I'm really being thoughtful about it. I'm giving myself space to really think through it and I will respond in that manner too.
So this is what you need to be practicing as a woman, especially in male dominated spaces, not fearing that people are not going to give you enough time and space to speak up, but really taking some deep breaths and embracing that space around you. And the empowering belief that you want to work on is, I'm entitled to the space and time to speak. I'm entitled to the space and time to speak.
The other thought could be, my words matter. And when our words matter, we actually slow down. According to the Harvard Business Review, pausing increases perceived confidence and credibility. See, even the Harvard Business Review is pointing this out. But I sometimes joke with my clients, it's called the sexy pause. Allow for that sexy pause where you are really taking up that space and pausing, because this is showing up as executive presence.
So, the before of this could sound like: “So the results were great and then we moved into the next quarter and let's move on to that next piece.” Do you see there's a fast pace to this? Versus, if you really felt that you belonged, that you're entitled to the space, then it would sound more like this. “We saw measurable growth across key areas. Take a moment to look at the data before we move on.”
So again, really slow pace. You can hear in my voice, there's not a lot of fear and anxiety running through me trying to rush through it. I actually remember when I was doing town halls for the first time and I asked my CEO for feedback, and he said, you sounded very intelligent, very elegant, but you spoke too quickly.
And often times, if you're speaking too quickly, people can't follow you and they think that you're smarter than them and they feel intimidated. And there was other things that he caught from it, but really it was my own nervousness. He was more thinking that it was landing with people and they're not feeling like they can follow along. But in that situation, it was me also talking too fast. And I would also do this oftentimes when I was asked things on the fly and I would feel nervous about it.
But if you know that this is one of your habits, you can consciously slow down your pace, take the pause, take a deep breath. This is a really important one because you want to be able to catch yourself before you just dive into that next thing.
All right. So let's go on to habit number four, holding back. So this shows up again in high-stake rooms, waiting for the perfect time or softening your input, not wanting to be too disruptive or say the wrong thing. It typically comes out of fear, fear of being rejected, fear of bringing up conflict, fear of not really trusting yourself and your voice.
So you want to spot it because it sounds like delaying your input, watering down your opinion, saying things like, maybe I'll follow up with you later. It's really these side conversations that you're having with yourself. And instead of thinking this empowering belief, my leadership is wanted and needed. You're really thinking, is this acceptable? And you want an invitation or permission or you're wanting somebody to help you feel safe so that you can really take up space and to speak up in a way that's direct and clear. And you're lacking confidence with that holding back.
So the way that this sounds is, “I had a thought, but I can bring it up with John later.” It's you're kind of saying I have something that is coming up for me, but I don't feel like it's good enough for this room, so I'm going to hold myself back. Versus, you could say it like this. “Here's what I believe is essential to consider. It aligns with our goals and supports the best outcome.”
Again, you're not waiting for permission. You're not holding back. You're just being direct and clear. And again, the belief here really is that your words matter, your leadership matters, it's needed, it's wanted.
All right, and this is the last one. It's about the up-speak. It's really about the delivering information in a way that is not a recommendation. It's actually asking for permission. It's a subconscious ask that says, "Hey, what do you think? Is it okay?" It's ending strong statements like their questions instead of statements or recommendations.
So you want to notice this because the pitch rises at the end of the sentence, making confident ideas sound uncertain. So the empowering belief that you could really be working on is, I speak with clarity and conviction. You want to notice what does that mean in your body? It's typically a groundedness. Like I am convicted, I am clear, I trust myself, I know myself. Versus, it leaves the room being, is she asking a question? Is she making a recommendation? What is she actually saying? It's not landing powerfully.
So the before sounds kind of like this. “I think the team should try this strategy.” Again, there's that question at the end. Versus, “The team should try this strategy. It's the most effective path forward.”
So you want to notice, who do you want to be led by? The person who's asking the question or the person who is convicted, experienced, unapologetic about their recommendation and their thoughts? This comes up for a lot of senior women. They don't even notice it in the moment because it just comes out as a way of speaking up, but that up-tick really has them coming off as, again, not as mature and also inexperienced and uncertain about themselves.
All right, so those are the five habits. And my exercise challenge for you is to pick one habit and go to school on yourself. Notice yourself in meetings and consciously track yourself. Are you doing any of these habits? And if you are, what one thing can you shift from one meeting to the next to help you slow down, to take more control, to own your power and presence in your leadership voice?
And even if this has happened and you're like, wow, I spoke way too quickly, you could go back and say, what was the thought that I was having about myself in that moment? And starting to ask yourself these questions is going to be powerful data to rewire your voice and your identity at the same time.
You're going to notice yourself. I do this for myself as well. I notice when I do webinars, I go back. I listen to it. I'm thinking, wow, what happened to my energy in that moment? Oh, I remember feeling fear. Maybe people were leaving the webinar. And I had an emotional reaction to that. So I sped up instead of slowed down, and I had a fear that people were leaving. So you want to notice these things and go to school with yourself.
And notice what the limiting belief is because if you can notice the pattern, the limiting belief, you can work towards the empowering belief and you can work towards how to say it in the way where that empowering belief is actually showing through. Leadership isn't just about what you know. It's about how you say what you know. And your voice deserves to take up space.
All right, so that was today's episode on truly owning your leadership voice. I promise, if you go out, you use this, you practice it, you go to school on yourself, you will shift and you will show up more and more powerful with more and more presence than you had before doing this work. I'd love to hear from you. Feel free to connect with me on LinkedIn, DM me, leave a review for this show. And good luck using your voice. Have fun with this. Notice yourself.
All right. I'll see you next week. Take good care.
Thank you for being a part of The Balanced Leader community. We hope you found today's episode inspiring and actionable. For more resources and to connect with Yann, visit us at aspire-coaching.co. Until next time, keep leading with confidence and purpose.
If you've ever caught yourself repeating a point, talking too fast, over justifying your decisions, or hesitating before speaking, this episode is for you. These habits aren't just quirks. They're deeply tied to the fear of taking up space, a lack of entitlement, and not expecting to be heard. And the solution? It's not just about changing how you speak. It's about reprogramming your mindset to own your voice with power and presence.
Welcome to The Balanced Leader, hosted by Yann Dang, a Leadership and Life Coach with over 20 years of corporate experience. Drawing from her journey as a former global finance leader and second-generation immigrant, Yann understands the unique challenges women face in male-dominated workplaces.
Each episode offers insights on balancing masculine and feminine energies, mastering soft skills, and building emotional intelligence. Join us to transform frustration into empowerment and unlock your authentic leadership potential.
Hey podcast listeners, welcome to episode 29. This is about owning your leadership voice. So, I wanted to share just about myself in terms of my own growth and transformation as I learned to own my leadership voice more over the years. I remember leaving meetings sometimes and feeling so angry. I didn't speak up, or maybe I did speak up, but it didn't land, like I didn't feel like it made an impact. Or maybe I spoke up and then one of my male colleagues said the same thing I said, but somehow it landed differently for them.
Today's episode is all about exploring five habits that quietly sabotage your leadership voice. And I'm going to share a lot of my own examples and my client's examples in here. And we are going to really dive into why this shows up, how to recognize it, the empowering thoughts that will shift it. And finally, I will give you live examples so you can hear the difference.
I want you to be picking a habit as you listen to this of like, oh, this is what I do, right? And really going to school on yourself with this because the impact of not truly owning your leadership voice is more than just that moment of that meeting. It's the way that people remember you. And if you are starting to notice yourself having these habits, and often times, I just want to reiterate, this happens more when we feel like there are higher stakes.
So for example, this typically doesn't happen unless you're in a situation where you feel more fear or the stakes are higher. So, often times, the women that I coach, they're like, I am a great leader, especially when I'm leading my direct reports. I'm clear, I'm confident, I tell them what I need, I don't hold back. And you have a lot of trust in that relationship. But when they go to a leadership team meeting, their peers, or even more senior people, they start noticing these habits come back.
And I want you to know that these habits, what we want to go to school on is noticing which ones will show up and how it is showing up for yourself. And knowing that what is actually happening oftentimes is our bodies are feeling scared, we're having some limiting thought, and it's showing up in one of these behaviors. But these habits really undermine your leadership voice and really how you're perceived as a leader over time.
It is going to be these high-stake situations in these meetings where if you are able to take up space, more times people will say, wow, she has really good leadership presence, or she has a lot of gravitas, or she is really able to command a room. These are the habits that undermine all of this.
So we're going to go through each of these habits one by one. I'm talking about the top five habits that, of the hundreds of women I've coached over the years, these are the ones that come up the most. And they're also the ones that I struggle with myself. So listen, ladies, you're not alone. This is part of owning your leadership voice is really understanding what are those things that come in and quietly sabotage our leadership voice.
Okay, let's dive into habit number one, which is overexplaining and justifying. So, I'm going to give you examples of what this sounds like before and after. But let's first dig into why does this happen? It's usually a fear of being not enough, feeling like you need to prove yourself, like your words are not important enough to just be heard. You need to explain it.
And the way to spot it is to notice, are you speaking in long-winded backstories? And are you using filters like, I just want to explain? Speaking without pausing? These are other ways where it's almost like you're leaking anxiety and you're not really pacing yourself and you're not actually with yourself. So, you say a lot of words, and the more words we say, the more harder it is for people to digest those words, to be with us, to stay with us.
And so you want to notice, are you somebody who uses too many things, too many studies, for example, too much data, and people are kind of getting lost and you're losing yourself in that story too? What you want to do is notice that, but also practice this empowering belief: My voice and perspective matter. Another empowering thought is, I am enough. When we feel like we're enough, we don't need to overexplain, we don't need to justify. We just know we are enough. My voice, my explanation is enough, and we don't need any extras.
Here's what it sounds like when you're overexplaining. “The project timeline is tight, but I just wanted to explain why we need to approach it this way. So I looked into several alternatives, but this option seemed the most feasible. The client expressed concerns about delays, so I wanted to make sure that this plan addresses those worries. And honestly, it's based on careful analysis. I hope that makes sense.”
You want to notice how long-winded that was. This habit stems from the desire to ensure acceptance. But it can dilute the clarity of the message and project uncertainty. There's so many ways in which, when I was explaining that, it's like I checked, I double checked, I triple checked, right? And so sometimes people hear that and they're like, wow, they had to check a lot. They seem really uncertain about themselves because they checked so much. Versus, this is what it could sound like. This version delivers the message more clearly without unnecessary elaboration, and projects confidence in the decision.
“The project timeline is tight. After reviewing alternatives, this is the best option to address client concerns and ensure our success.” So with that, just saying that, it allows for people, if they have more questions, if they want to ask about your methods, if they want to dive in, it's more of a back and forth, and it's less convincing, it's more grounded. And I wanted to give you those examples so that you can really feel how it lands for you when you hear it those two different ways.
Let's dive into habit number two, which is repeating yourself for validation. This usually comes up from not trusting your message will land the first time. There is some fear that they didn't hear you, that they didn't get it. So you're not getting some sort of emotional reaction from them that you're expecting. So, instead, you repeat yourself. And you want to spot it because you're saying the same idea in multiple ways.
I actually had a CEO that I worked with who would tell me, I heard you the first time. And he didn't say it in a nasty way, but I knew that there was some belief around myself and not trusting that men heard me, and I would repeat myself often in different ways to make sure they heard it. And what I noticed in that is there's either a lack in me trusting them or there's a lack in myself trusting myself to say something that actually lands with them.
So the empowering belief that you can work on instead of feeling like it's not going to land, people are not listening to me, right? Those are the limiting beliefs, is I expect to be heard the first time. This is really about you respecting yourself and your leadership voice, but also respecting the person that you're speaking to, and not treating them like you're nagging them.
I remember I used to tell my staff this, if I'm nagging you and I'm telling you things multiple times, it's not good for you or I. So there's something that I need to hear that you're getting something done and I'm going to stop myself if I notice myself repeating, to ensure it's going to happen, repeating for that validation. So you want to notice and really work on this empowering belief of I expect to be heard the first time.
Let me give you the two versions of how it sounds when you repeat yourself for validation. “As I said earlier, the team delivered strong results this quarter. And I want to reiterate our performance across key metrics has been excellent. Just to repeat, the growth we've achieved in these areas speak volumes about our strategy and execution.”
So you'll notice in what I said is that repeating the same points can undermine your authority. Again, it kind of seems like you're convincing, right? Making the speaker appear unsure of their ability to communicate effectively the first time. So you want to notice, is this something that you do, especially in those high stake situations where you're a little nervous? Are you repeating yourself? Instead, this is the version that communicates the point once with authority, ensuring every word carries impact. You want to notice my pace in saying this as well.
“The team delivered strong results this quarter with growth across key metrics. Our strategy and execution speak for themselves.” All right, that was it. Simple, a lot less words, and not repeating yourself.
Okay, so for the next one, this is talking too fast. Again, this really happens when we're rushing to speak before someone interrupts us, or it's signaling nerves instead of confidence. It also comes from a lack of feeling entitled to take up space, right? People are, ooh, I don't want to take up so much space in this board meeting. But if you're an executive that believes that your voice matters, right? And you're an executive that believes that you are providing value, then you will slow down.
But to spot it, you want to notice, is your delivery quite fast? Does it lack pauses? Are you compressing your thoughts together? What's actually happening? You want to be in tune with yourself. And I've done other episodes on emotional work, but this is really about attuning to your emotions and slowing yourself down. Often times we have this fear and we just want to spit it out as quick as possible to get rid of the fear. But the reality is that it is causing us to come off uncertain, immature, not the executive that we want to be.
If you look at people that are senior executives, the way they talk, the way they respond, they're very measured. They take up space, they take up pauses. I remember sometimes I'm with senior leaders where I'm thinking, are they thinking or what's going on here? There's this long pause. And I just realized they really are thinking and they're taking up the space to think, and that just shows that they're a seasoned executive where they feel entitled. You said something to me, I'm really being thoughtful about it. I'm giving myself space to really think through it and I will respond in that manner too.
So this is what you need to be practicing as a woman, especially in male dominated spaces, not fearing that people are not going to give you enough time and space to speak up, but really taking some deep breaths and embracing that space around you. And the empowering belief that you want to work on is, I'm entitled to the space and time to speak. I'm entitled to the space and time to speak.
The other thought could be, my words matter. And when our words matter, we actually slow down. According to the Harvard Business Review, pausing increases perceived confidence and credibility. See, even the Harvard Business Review is pointing this out. But I sometimes joke with my clients, it's called the sexy pause. Allow for that sexy pause where you are really taking up that space and pausing, because this is showing up as executive presence.
So, the before of this could sound like: “So the results were great and then we moved into the next quarter and let's move on to that next piece.” Do you see there's a fast pace to this? Versus, if you really felt that you belonged, that you're entitled to the space, then it would sound more like this. “We saw measurable growth across key areas. Take a moment to look at the data before we move on.”
So again, really slow pace. You can hear in my voice, there's not a lot of fear and anxiety running through me trying to rush through it. I actually remember when I was doing town halls for the first time and I asked my CEO for feedback, and he said, you sounded very intelligent, very elegant, but you spoke too quickly.
And often times, if you're speaking too quickly, people can't follow you and they think that you're smarter than them and they feel intimidated. And there was other things that he caught from it, but really it was my own nervousness. He was more thinking that it was landing with people and they're not feeling like they can follow along. But in that situation, it was me also talking too fast. And I would also do this oftentimes when I was asked things on the fly and I would feel nervous about it.
But if you know that this is one of your habits, you can consciously slow down your pace, take the pause, take a deep breath. This is a really important one because you want to be able to catch yourself before you just dive into that next thing.
All right. So let's go on to habit number four, holding back. So this shows up again in high-stake rooms, waiting for the perfect time or softening your input, not wanting to be too disruptive or say the wrong thing. It typically comes out of fear, fear of being rejected, fear of bringing up conflict, fear of not really trusting yourself and your voice.
So you want to spot it because it sounds like delaying your input, watering down your opinion, saying things like, maybe I'll follow up with you later. It's really these side conversations that you're having with yourself. And instead of thinking this empowering belief, my leadership is wanted and needed. You're really thinking, is this acceptable? And you want an invitation or permission or you're wanting somebody to help you feel safe so that you can really take up space and to speak up in a way that's direct and clear. And you're lacking confidence with that holding back.
So the way that this sounds is, “I had a thought, but I can bring it up with John later.” It's you're kind of saying I have something that is coming up for me, but I don't feel like it's good enough for this room, so I'm going to hold myself back. Versus, you could say it like this. “Here's what I believe is essential to consider. It aligns with our goals and supports the best outcome.”
Again, you're not waiting for permission. You're not holding back. You're just being direct and clear. And again, the belief here really is that your words matter, your leadership matters, it's needed, it's wanted.
All right, and this is the last one. It's about the up-speak. It's really about the delivering information in a way that is not a recommendation. It's actually asking for permission. It's a subconscious ask that says, "Hey, what do you think? Is it okay?" It's ending strong statements like their questions instead of statements or recommendations.
So you want to notice this because the pitch rises at the end of the sentence, making confident ideas sound uncertain. So the empowering belief that you could really be working on is, I speak with clarity and conviction. You want to notice what does that mean in your body? It's typically a groundedness. Like I am convicted, I am clear, I trust myself, I know myself. Versus, it leaves the room being, is she asking a question? Is she making a recommendation? What is she actually saying? It's not landing powerfully.
So the before sounds kind of like this. “I think the team should try this strategy.” Again, there's that question at the end. Versus, “The team should try this strategy. It's the most effective path forward.”
So you want to notice, who do you want to be led by? The person who's asking the question or the person who is convicted, experienced, unapologetic about their recommendation and their thoughts? This comes up for a lot of senior women. They don't even notice it in the moment because it just comes out as a way of speaking up, but that up-tick really has them coming off as, again, not as mature and also inexperienced and uncertain about themselves.
All right, so those are the five habits. And my exercise challenge for you is to pick one habit and go to school on yourself. Notice yourself in meetings and consciously track yourself. Are you doing any of these habits? And if you are, what one thing can you shift from one meeting to the next to help you slow down, to take more control, to own your power and presence in your leadership voice?
And even if this has happened and you're like, wow, I spoke way too quickly, you could go back and say, what was the thought that I was having about myself in that moment? And starting to ask yourself these questions is going to be powerful data to rewire your voice and your identity at the same time.
You're going to notice yourself. I do this for myself as well. I notice when I do webinars, I go back. I listen to it. I'm thinking, wow, what happened to my energy in that moment? Oh, I remember feeling fear. Maybe people were leaving the webinar. And I had an emotional reaction to that. So I sped up instead of slowed down, and I had a fear that people were leaving. So you want to notice these things and go to school with yourself.
And notice what the limiting belief is because if you can notice the pattern, the limiting belief, you can work towards the empowering belief and you can work towards how to say it in the way where that empowering belief is actually showing through. Leadership isn't just about what you know. It's about how you say what you know. And your voice deserves to take up space.
All right, so that was today's episode on truly owning your leadership voice. I promise, if you go out, you use this, you practice it, you go to school on yourself, you will shift and you will show up more and more powerful with more and more presence than you had before doing this work. I'd love to hear from you. Feel free to connect with me on LinkedIn, DM me, leave a review for this show. And good luck using your voice. Have fun with this. Notice yourself.
All right. I'll see you next week. Take good care.
Thank you for being a part of The Balanced Leader community. We hope you found today's episode inspiring and actionable. For more resources and to connect with Yann, visit us at aspire-coaching.co. Until next time, keep leading with confidence and purpose.
Enjoy the Show?
Don’t miss an episode, follow the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube Music, RSS, or wherever you listen to podcasts!
